1. What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube? - A laughing stock.
2. The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting. - They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!
3. What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director? - A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.
4. Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease? - The woman who irons their cricket whites.
5. What's the height of optimism? - An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.
6. Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball? - He forgot it was chained to his foot.
7. What is the main function of the Australia coach? - To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
8. On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he's heading out to the middle. - His wife replies: "I'll hold, he won't be long!"
9. What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car? - Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.
10. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad? - The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
11. What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common? - Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
12. What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet? - The entire Australian innings.
13. What's the Australian version of LBW? - Lost, Beaten, Walloped.
14. Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini? - Because he can get out without even trying.
15. What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket? - A bat.
16. What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ? - A vacant lot.
17. Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX? - Because they can't spell beer.
18. Why can't Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket? - They eat all the grass.
19. What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson? - They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
20. What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix? - At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.
