Funny how certain things stay with you all your life! As I'm getting dressed for our morning walk around the village, I remember my mother's constant admonition, "Trag 'ne saubere Unterhose!"
As if it mattered whether my underpants were freshly laundered or a week old after I'd been run over by a passing bus and someone was giving me mouth-to-mouth. Sucking on a peppermint sweet would've been so much better - for the one given me mouth-to-mouth, that is.
There were several parental instructions that never left me throughout my life. The most character- and life-shaping was "Erst die Arbeit, dann das Vergnügen!" which, for all I know, may have come straight from the mouth of that German "father of the Protestant work ethic", Max Weber.
I don't know whether I got through life because or despite my parents' instructions, but there were times when I wondered if it hadn't been better if I had lived my life backwards.
Imagine you start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, they give you a beautiful gold watch and a party on your first day.
You work for forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you're ready for high school (well, I skipped THAT part anyway). You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have absolutely no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born.
And then you spend your last nine months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then - Voila! - you finish off with an orgasm! Whoopee!
Padma is ready. Did she call out "Put on a pair of clean underpants!" ?
