As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized this:
- If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
- A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
- A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
- A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 150 years or more.
- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
- My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
- I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
- Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
- Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
- If all is not lost, where is it?
- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
- Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
- Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
- The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
- When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
- It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.
- Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
- Have I written this before???