Are you familiar with current language? Are you sensitive to current issues? Do you want to suck up to all the weirdos? Learn a new acronym: "LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP" What does this alphabet soup mean? Have you got your spoons ready?
L — Lesbian. Everyone knows what this is, right?
G — Gay. I'm sure I don't need to explain this to you smarties!
G — Genderqueer. Now this one is new. So let's make sure we all understand what this means. "Genderqueer" is a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders." That's easy, isn't it, kids? Basically, it's a person that's neither Arthur nor Martha.
B — Bisexual. Self-explanatory, isn't it? It's derived from bicycle which means you can go anywhere.
D - Demisexual. Another new one! Let's get out the ever-expanding queer dictionary to figure it out! "A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone." This used to be known as monogamous love. But now we throw the word "sexual" on it to make it attractive to the kids. Got it?
T — Transgender. You all know all about this one! These are boys or girls who dress up like the opposite sex and want everyone to pretend not to notice!
T — Transexual. You are familiar with these people too! Same as above, only they've gone through irreversible surgery to remove healthy body parts. Let them in your bathroom. Everything is fine.
T — Two-Spirit. Oh my goodness! How exciting! It's another category no one on earth has ever heard of! This one is complicated. For sure you have to be a Native American. And smoking a lot of peyotes could only help to understand what the heck a two-spirit is. It appears to be a third gender not yet discovered by science and only found in the Native American community by gender studies majors who take adventure vacations and hang out in sweat lodges.
I — Intersex. This is that very rare condition that we used to call hermaphrodite, where a child is born with both sex organs of male and female. It is very rare and hardly ever happens. It is a birth defect. (Aren't they all?)
Q — Queer. Just when you thought you couldn't use the word "queer" because it's an insult, think again! It's back! Queer is an umbrella term designed to describe all people who aren't normies. I think. It's hard to tell. These things do change on an almost daily basis.
Q — Questioning is a term used for people who are still deciding where they are going to fall on this list. It seems contradictory to the "born that way" theory to have a bunch of people still questioning their sexuality but the LGBTQWTF brigade says it's fine, so rest assured, there's nothing to question about questioning.
A — Asexual people have no interest in sex. This also used to be known as people who are married with kids. See the classic TV show "Married with Children" for an example.
A — Allies are people who are constantly supporting their LGBTQWTF friends and family. These people aren't gay, queer, or even questioning! They're simply shielding themselves from the gaystapo squads who come around looking for people who aren't properly broadcasting their approval of the queer agenda. Be an ally, if you know what's good for you!
P — Pansexual is just a more confusing way to say bisexual. There really is no difference, only we pretend there is so we can use a word that reminds us of Greek mythology and it sounds more interesting than bisexual, which is so last decade.
P — Polyamorous people are basically leftover hippies who miss their communes. Or hardcore Mormons. Either way, they are people who like to have more than one partner, sometimes at the same time.
Any questions? (but not as in 'questioning')
