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Friday, January 29, 2010

The week that was!

Queensland's ambulance officers want licensed venues to stop using pool cues to reduce the risk of being assaulted. That explains why I've seen so many ambulance officers lately with a pool cue up their ass!

A man was hit by lightning while doing the dishes in his kitchen as storms moved across the Blue Mountains and western Sydney yesterday. The 37-year-old was hit while washing up near a window at Yarramundi. He has since been taken to hospital. There's a moral in this somewhere.

Researchers have just finished a 14-year (!!!!) study and are urging mothers to breastfeed their babies until they are at least six months old. "What we found was that for each additional month that a child was breastfed [the] behaviour in teenagers improved," they said. Yes, I know I probably was never breastfed but I still want to know who's paying for this sh@#!

And shoppers in pyjamas are no longer welcome at a supermarket in Wales where customer complaints have prompted the introduction of a strict dress code. So don't forget your bowtie next time you go shopping. You wouldn't want to offend anybody, would you?

Two people are dead after a pornographic text message sparked tribal violence in Papua New Guinea's southern highlands. The violence flared on Saturday when a young man from the Tapo clan in Tari sent a pornographic text message to a woman in the Pipi clan. The girl was offended and showed the image to her brother, who gathered his clansmen and attacked the Tapos with home-made guns, bush knives and bows and arrows. One man was killed in the clash, another man was pulled from a bus and killed with an axe, and several houses have been burnt down. That must've been some text message!

A 55-year old man accused of ruining 16 parking meters on Sydney's Balmoral Beach has been granted bail on the condition that he does not go within 20 metres of any parking meter. Acting Duty Officer Simon Henry says the man is accused of using glue to wreck the boxes placed over the meters at night. "Filled the padlocks with some sort of residual glue, basically you know ruined the locks," he said.

An 80-year-old man dubbed "Victoria's oldest hoon" has been given a suspended jail sentence for driving at 160kph in a 100kph zone. Counsel for the defence said the man fell asleep at the wheel and did not see the police car pursuing him.

A Turkish man divorced his wife after DNA tests showed he was the father of only one of their twin boys. It is a very rare occurrence in humans, scientifically known as heteropaternal superfecundation. It is made possible when a woman has sexual intercourse with two different men at short intervals and produces two ova in one menstrual cycle. So next time you see some twins, why not show off your knowledge and receive some admiring glances by asking, "Are they the product of heteropaternal superfecundation?"