If you're one of the few educated readers who read beyond the screaming headline, let me assure you that there's no need to fear for the well-being of your mother-in-law in Toorak: the "raging fire" is my annual burn-off and "Melbourne" is my little sleep-out at the very bottom of our seven-acre property.
Of course, I'm a past master at burning, especially bridges, the last of which I burnt when I came down to "Riverbend" to retire here but - to stretch the metaphor - it's still better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. The tourist boat has passed which means it's lunchtime.
Just another day in Paradise!
