My social colander is full of holes. On the few occasions when I am forced to interact with other human beings, they either wear a blue uniform and a body camera or a white smock and a stethoscope. Today it's the man with the stethoscope to give me - I hope! - the all-clear on my annual "Fitness to Drive Medical Report".
For reasons already stated, my eyes have gone funny but I don't want to wear glasses while driving as I don't have the matching prescription sunglasses. I've been in training with one of my neighbours, who, when asked to place one hand over one eye, puts it over his bad eye. Then, when asked to repeat it with the other hand, places the other hand over the same bad eye. He assures me it has worked for him for many years.
Just to make sure it works, I bought my unbribable German GP this coffee cup which should do the trick, since we are both German and both lacking in humour. Here's hoping that he may even bulk-bill me.
Apart from my daily intake of a tiny white blood-thinning tablet and an equally tiny but pink cholesterol-lowering pill, I have so far avoided enriching Big Pharma, and I hope to keep it that way. I stick to the pithy old maxim, "A piece of round red or green tree fruit that is commonly used in pies served with ice-cream if ingested once every twenty-four hours will ensure that the medical practitioner remains at a distance."
