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Sunday, June 28, 2009

The week that was!


My trusty old McDonald-calendar tells me we're almost at the end of the month. And while the whole world is going to hell in a handcart, our politicians have spent the last week devoting all their waking hours to the OzCar (or RuddMobile) affair and a certain fake email. The email's alleged purveyor's house was pelted with eggs overnight. Should they prove to be quail eggs, or even Fabergé, the Opposition Leader will have some serious questions to answer.

In the meantime, a new party, the Australian Sex Party, - slogan "Where you come first!" (or was it "Where you come first"?) - has joined the ranks of all those other pricks (and fannies) on the hill. They promise all their members a pleasurable experience! As their website states, "In keeping with our credo, our member's needs always ‘come first’" (judging by the position of the apostrophe, they have only one - which, based on 2007 election results, would get them $2.10. Things must be a bit slow in the sex-business!)

A 10-year-old boy at Bilambil Heights on the New South Wales north coast, whose skull was fractured when he fell out of bed at a friend's house, has been awarded almost $854,000. His parents said after the accident his personality changed and he was depressed. I have had a changed personality and depressions for years but all I get is dirty looks.

And there are signs that times are getting tougher in the Land of Plenty: Ashley Mackinnon, from Wilson's Creek in northern New South Wales, tried to sell his dead wife's ashes on the internet auction site ebay. Mr Mackinnon says he doesn't know what his wife's remains may have fetched on eBay. "It was only really on there for a day and there was 150 hits... I had to go to work that day and then on my lunchbreak I'd had a few phone calls and stuff so I thought I'd better check where it was at and I had this message saying your item has been removed."

Some people who have the time of contemplating their own navels may just now have discovered that they are suffering from BIID, or Body Integrity Identity Disorder. Caused by whom or what? A whole new generation of lawyers will make their fortunes in search of the answer! I already have the answer because I have suffered from BIID myself every time I wished I had cut off my tongue before saying something stupid (such as "Body Integrity Identity Disorder.")

And even peaceful, little Nelligen has been in the news lately with the discovery of human remains in a shallow grave in the Currowan State Forest.

In overseas news, nine centuries of male monopoly on the canals of Venice came to an end on Friday when the first woman passed the gruelling test to become a trainee gondolier. Giorgia Boscolo, the 23-year-old daughter of a gondolier, said, "I have always been in love with gondolas." Her father, Dante (not the one of the Inferno!), said being a gondolier was "a job that requires a lot of physical strength, but with experience you need less effort - and my daughter has lots of experience!" He didn't elaborate.

And while in Italy (yes, Venice is in Italy; next question!), a priest caught driving over the alcohol limit pleaded to police that it was only because of the Holy Wine he had drunk as part of the mass. Police rejected the priest's excuse and revoked his driving licence anyway. Now the 41-year-old priest is said to appeal against the ruling, saying his alcohol consumption was not "voluntary" since it was part of the Catholic ritual in the four masses that he had celebrated during the day. And I say "Amen" to that!

... ah, yes, and Michael Jackson died - but who gives a shit?

P.S. Oh, and I almost forgot, an archeological team, digging in Washington DC , has uncovered 10,000-year-old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first politician - see below: