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Today's quote:

Saturday, December 16, 2017

We're not born laughing. We're born screaming.

Elan Gale's instagram account


Let me tell you the story of you. A long, long time ago, a man and a woman looked at each other and said, "Well, that's good enough." They fell in love, or at least they liked each other enough to want to get naked in the same room.

Either the first night they met, or maybe a few months later, the man put his penis into the woman's vagina and gave her three relatively unpleasant minutes of grunting and sweating and thrusting before rolling onto his back and feeling pretty good about himself, while the woman regretted ever giving him her phone number. As the woman lay there, wondering why this man couldn't even bring her halfway to orgasm, a tiny little sperm somehow lazily stumbled towards an egg and weaseled its way in. Those two people are your mother and father. That is how you were created ..."

My own story is somewhat different: my father was on Christmas leave from the Russian Front and creating yet a fifth child was probably as far from his mind as the end of the war, but that's how chapter one begins of "You're Not That Great (but neither is anyone else)", a ruthlessly funny and straight-talking guide which teaches you how to recognise your weaknesses, your regrets and your f*ck-ups in order to live a better life. No regrets? That's BS. If you have no regrets it means you haven't learnt from your mistakes. Read some more and then buy the book:


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Of course, "if you're [ordering] this book, chances are pretty good that you're doing okay. I mean, let's be honest, books aren't cheap, so you probably have a job. In order to get that job, you probably have a car. It's probably not the car you always wanted, but it probably has seats and doors, so that's pretty good. Oh, and if you're reading [this], it means you know how to read. So that means you were lucky enough in life to get an education. That probably had very little to do with you, honestly. That's just luck. In fact, most of the above is luck. You were born in a time when 'having a job' didn't mean getting whipped half to death by an Egyptian man while you built a cute resting place for his uncle's body."

And so it continues. Go on, buy the book and read the rest. I just did!