She was the one who waited patiently for you to come around, to finally give yourself to her completely and realise that she's the one for you. She was the one who supported you in everything you did and you just took her for granted. Now you've lost her and you regret not being able to tell her how much you cared for her and how much you loved her. Now it's too late for could haves, would haves and should haves.
You probably thought that she would never even think about leaving you because you knew she loved you with her whole heart. You probably thought that she will stick by your side and that you still had time to have some more fun. She may be patient, but she's not a fool, she wasn't going to wait for you forever. She's proud and strong and she knows that she's worth much more than you gave her credit for. She mustered the strength and walked away, even though she loved you truly. She just couldn't take your lies and excuses anymore and she couldn't wait for you any longer.
She was naïve enough to think that you will change over time, that you will realise she's the best thing that has happened to you. She gave you all the chances she could but you just took her for granted. All she did is believe in you and your love, and all you did is fail her trust each and every time. Time and time again she forgave your misgivings and she hoped that there will be no next time. She hoped that this will be the last time you've caused her pain and that you'll finally give her the respect that she deserves. But time and time again she was wrong. That day never came and she just couldn't wait for it any longer.
She walked away and never looked back and there's just nothing you can do to change it. She will no longer tolerate your egoistic nature, your insecurities and your foolishness. She will no longer sacrifice herself for someone who doesn't appreciate her, for someone who doesn't know how to express his love, for someone who hasn't matured yet. She will no longer accept your lies and deceptions because she knows that she can have something much better. She knows that she deserves something much better, something that you will never be able to give to her.
She may be hurting, she may be in pain, but once the crying is over, she will pick herself up, dust herself off and carry on with her life. She will wipe away her tears and promise herself that she will never cry for you again. She will never let anyone else treat her badly again.
Now she starts to live again. Now she starts to love herself again, to reinvent herself and to rediscover her passions. She is finally free of your negativity, of your toxicity and she can live life to the fullest again. She can enjoy the little things, she can be happy and she can search for her soulmate. One day she will find the person who will light up her eyes and fall madly in love. She will love again and she will be loved the way she deserves.
You'll regret losing this beautiful, amazing woman who was ready to give herself to you completely. You'll regret losing this one-of-a-kind woman who was ready to be your partner and to spend her life with you. She was going to give it all to you, but you just didn't know how to cherish her."
Knowing that someone else has put into words my exact feelings gives me the small comfort that I am not the only shit that ever walked this earth. Mind you, Abdulghani Mofarrij had his hand in this as well: he refused to give me her entry permit to Saudi until nine months later when in late December 1982 I raced back to Sydney to pick her up by which time she had given up the wait. We never saw a lawyer as everything was shut for Christmas; we simply walked into the North Sydney Policy Station and in front of a young female constable signed an informal handwritten piece of paper dissolving our six-year-old marriage after which I flew back to Singapore to supervise the loading of a ship with 50,000 tons of barley to feed the fucking camels of Saudi Arabia.
