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Today's quote:

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Just hanging in


Once Easter is gone, it's all downhill to Christmas! It's been a quiet Easter; even our cottage was empty this year. To think that I used to spend a fortune on deodorants before I realised that people don't like me anyway! see footnote

I kept busy trying to repair my HUSQVARNA ride-on mower which has given me so much trouble that I come to the conclusion never to buy anything whose name I can't spell.

Of course, nothing is the way it used to be. I mean, even mirrors aren't the same anymore: I used to look like a telegraph pole on which a stork had made its nest. Now, when I stand in front of a mirror, naked, I think, 'How the bloody hell can a telegraph pole with a stork's nest on top get pregnant?' I suspect it has something to do with global warming. Everything else does.

My wife keeps fit by going to the gym. My only exercise, apart from blinking, is jumping to conclusions and wrestling with my conscience. Sometimes it seems the only thing my wife and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

Footnote: It seems I used deodorants the wrong way. According to a newsflash, Rexona deodorants have been pulled from supermarket shelves in Alice Springs in response to a spiralling rate of inhalant abuse by the town's children. Supermarkets have voluntarily agreed to sell Rexona from behind the counter because of its popularity among children trying to get high. The Central Australian Youth Link Up Service (CAYUS) has collected almost 500 used cans of deodorant from public places in Alice Springs in the last fortnight. CAYLUS manager Blair McFarland says the situation is out of control and a large number of young children are involved. "[There are] lots - like more than 50 kids under 12 - who have been referred to welfare because of their sniffing," he said. "[Police] went to Billy Goat Hill one night and there were 100 kids up there. Maybe not all of them were sniffing, but that's where we've found 460 cans so far.