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Sunday, December 25, 2016

Christmas Dinner


You've probably never heard of Linda McGrady who's said to make the best turkey stuffing this side of the Tropic of Capricorn. Her secret recipe includes two 30-pack tablets of diazepam, more commonly known as Valium.

Each time her family gathers for Christmas, sparks fly. Son Gary’s girlfriend is a Catholic and Linda’s only daughter tells her that she’s genderfluid – or something to that effect. Add a stern patriarch who earns his crust raising cattle and you’ve got a powder keg ready to explode. “It can be so hard”, says the retired school teacher. “They fight and bicker and make fun of each other and say mean things.”

Her solution? Add 60 tablets of Valium to the turkey stuffing. “It’s a very hard drug to overdose on. I’ve got some Klonopin for my daughter if the Valium doesn’t take her down. I’ll just put bibs on all of ’em and watch them try to eat lunch.”

According to the "Betoota Advocate", the Toowoomba Police have been notified and are looking forward not responding to another Christmas Day incident at her place.

Our own Christmas Dinner went off without any incident but a couple of times we got close to calling the RSPCA.